Ohhh SHIT---literally!

Happy Friday to me....I get home from work today to a 'interesting' smelling house.  I can't quite figure it out because I have a stuffy nose.  I run through in my mind, what it could be...sweaty towel on the dryer from hot yoga last night? No, continue walking. Kitchen, taco soup that I made last night, I did use beef instead of chicken, but can beef really smell that bad? Nope!  By this time all three animals have gathered to show me what had happened. I think the cats were pleased because it was a smell that Hank made...I round the corner to go upstairs to continue investigating this smell. Oh, surprise (well actually three) at the bottom of the stairs.  A slew of cuss words go through my head as I continue following the smell up the stairs.  I find three more surprises in our bedroom....WTF!  I immediately call mark in a PANIC to see what I should do.  (I knew what I had to do, but how to even start).  Plus, bodily fluids, solids, chunks, you name it are not my thing-in fact I am quite sure I am going to be a horrible mother because of my intolerance of nasty things. Anyway, Mark tells me that it can't wait until tomorrow when he gets home and I just have to clean it.  DUH, I am not a pig, I am not going to sit all night in a house that reeks of poo!

So, I grow a pair, get on some blue surgical gloves, carpet cleaner for pets (as if the 'pet' part is really going to make a difference at this point), a roll of paper towels, and a garbage bag. I man up, jam paper towel pieces up my nose, and begin the cleanup process.  First three piles done like a champ, only a few gags.  Me 1, diarrhea poo 0.

Upstairs changes quite quickly,  I stand to clean pile one, then decide to sit down to clean pile two and three.  Cleaning away, the smell is all the sudden stronger. So I start looking around...turns out, you guessed it, its all over the side of my boot and bottom of my jeans! I sat in it, FREAK OUT! How the hell did that happen you ask? Well the "genius" dog had covered the mother load poo with my running hat and my bra..did i mention they are (were) white in color. I strip down, and throw my hat and bra in the bathroom,  gagging so hard that I have tears rolling down my face, some may have been real tears because I hate this shit (literally) and it always happens when mark is gone.  diarrhea poo, for the winning points.  Me- 1, poo-1,000

Currently, there are paper towels over the carpet where every pile of poo was (so mark can inspect it when he gets home, and so i don't step on that carpet), a completely empty bottle of carpet cleaner, jeans, bra, hat, and boot on the bathroom floor and in the garbage there are two paper towel rolls, 4 sets of surgical gloves, and a whole lot of shit!

Enjoy your weekend everyone, hope its not shitty!  :)